What exactly is trust? Is it receiving the expected result in any from another person? Is it believing that tomorrow you'll wake up, when it's impossible to be certain? It it guesswork? Lately, I've been thinking it is. How can anyone ever truly know another person when that person has just as many deep catacombs hidden inside themselves as any other person? Smiles, kisses, they do not show us the way. They only lead us in a direction that could end with further life or immediate death.
I don't trust almost anyone to be their best. It's sad, of course, but true to me. I've come to believe that human beings are so fundamentally flawed that basic compassion has been all but wiped out in our day to day lives. Even those I love in a stupidly extensive way, they really don't get my trust, because they've proven to be able to abuse it. There are a few that I would hand my very existence to in a paper bag and believe in them fully to care for it. Unfortunately, and strangely, most of them have parted ways with me. They are very random people. Old friends, ex girlfriends. Genuinely good people. And, unfortunately, no one in my family can be given that.
I ramble. But isn't that what this is supposed to be about? So I sit here, taking allergy pills every day, writing my music, drowning in schoolwork, keeping up with relationships that don't often amount to what I put into them. And I try to seek comfort in God. Without a doubt, I believe that he watches us all daily and puts us through these hard times to test us. Reminding myself of that gets very, very hard. Guess we gotta keep pushing. We all deserve to be loved.
Good night, everybody.
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